My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
