there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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