i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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