Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
