I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i wish my penis had a tongue
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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