Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
