But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
how drunk are you?
Several
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
