I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
