We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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