I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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