No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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