i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
