do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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