I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
