please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
