I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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