Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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