Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
