I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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