He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
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They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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