So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
