Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
