I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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