I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
