youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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