It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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