pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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