The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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