i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
