He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
