I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
