i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
