the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I faked an abortion last night.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
