Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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