We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
