where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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