she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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