i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So much rum. So many feels.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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