Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
