Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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