Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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