Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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