the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
