So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize