I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
