I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
