Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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