Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize