I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
