Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
