Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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