We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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