i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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