did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
