allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You need a sexual gate keeper
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
