haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
