DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Still dying that you shit outside
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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