i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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