i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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