Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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