Can i not drive my cunt home
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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