forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
