wanna go halves on a baby?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
