Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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