I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
