you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
