I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This is my gift to your gina
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
