I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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