he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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