my vag is so smooth its legendary
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
