Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
