My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
