my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
