I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
