i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
sarcasm needs its own font
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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