yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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