I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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