did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
