Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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