my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
