Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
