all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
